New Family - New Traditions!

3 ½ months after getting married, Mrs. I and I got to go on our first trip out of town with her family – the destination? Michigan International Speedway for a weekend of NASCAR racing.

Having never been to a single NASCAR event, let alone a weekend full of it, I was definitely excited to be a part of a yearly tradition that Mrs. I and her family have had for over a decade. So after work on Friday, it was time to head to Cleveland, pick up Mrs. I and head to “that city up north” (Ann Arbor for the non-OSU people out there) where we’d be staying for the weekend.

Between the qualifying, practice sessions, Nationwide Series race (CARFAX 250) and the Sprint Cup race (CARFAX 400), I’m pretty sure my ears are still buzzing with the roar of the engines and upon opening my suitcase and unpacking, I definitely could still smell the exhaust-heavy scent that lingered on the hot drive home in the car trunk. Some may think this is a drawback, I think it’s a great take-away from the experience.

I learned a lot about the sport of auto racing in just a weekend. Soft-sided coolers can be used to bring in your own snacks and drinks (can’t do that in any other professional sport!) and just about any type of food can be found “on a stick”. Fans still will yell and wave at their favorite (or not-so-favorite) drivers, just as fans will do with athletes in other sports, except it’s practically guaranteed that said driver can’t hear what you’re yelling at him over 43 roaring engines – yes, this includes you Mr. Random NASCAR Fan that felt it to be necessary to yell and wave for your driver to consistently pass the car in front of him despite the 185 mph speeds from the massive and loud racing engines – at least it’s an enthusiastic effort!

The best thing I learned about the NASCAR experience is how much fun it is. On TV it may look like hundreds of left hand turns all afternoon, but when you actually get to the track and see it in person (and we didn’t even see “the big one” as far as accidents go), it’s an exciting sport to watch. Watching how easy the drivers make it look to glide in and out of traffic on banked turns makes me wish that even ½ the people who drive on Mentor Ave. would drive just as intelligently.

You’re probably wondering if I picked the winner of the race – unfortunately Team Red Bull, specifically Scott Speed in the #82 didn’t have the best race, but a 25th place finish certainly had no effect on the overall excitement I experienced in my first trip to a weekend of NASCAR. After all, being a Cleveland sports fan, I’m overly familiar with the concept of “there’s always next year”. And when next year does come, you can bet I’ll definitely be ready for another weekend at the track, whether it be a NASCAR sanctioned event at Lake County Speedway or another one of NASCAR’s big, Sprint Cup events or something in between.

The first 100 days

Since the FDR’s presidency in the 1930s, a standard has been developed in which each president is judged by the actions and accomplishments that have occurred during the first 100 days in the oval office. You can read more about this tradition here. So, as our new marriage approached the milestone, it seemed appropriate to take a moment and reflect upon some of the things we’ve learned, accomplished and goals guiding us to where we want to go from here.

From Mrs. I's perspective:

• While spending almost every minute of everyday together is typically bliss, having a little “me time” goes a long way from time to time, especially when I pop in my kettle bell workout DVD and follow along in the living room during which I look less then appealing. (More on the value of individual time to come in an upcoming post)

• I don’t know if it’s a guy thing, but Mr. I’s attention span is simply shorter than mine. He tries to be patient with me, letting me read “one more chapter” or get “five more minutes” in of my nap, but when he gets fidgety, it’s easier to put down the Kindle or hit record on the DVR and shake things up a bit.

• Sometimes all you need after a long day at work is a person to hug you at the door. Mr. I’s hugs are some of the best.

• When we split up the guest list, carved out 30 minutes a night and worked as a stamp/envelope licking team, we achieved our goal to get all our thank you notes out within the month of May. We were pretty darn proud of our hard work.

• In a little apartment, with limited cabinet space, you have to get creative with storage. This often includes on shelves way above my reach, in night stands and other not-so-typical locations. The biggest challenge is finding it all when you need it.

From Mr. I's perspective:

• If we’re not in bed by 10:15 or so each evening, Mrs. I gets a “second wind” and all of a sudden has no desire to go to bed.

• I've learned that it’s best for me to just stick to cooking dinner and let Mrs. I make yummy waffles and pancakes on the weekend – I can make a mean pulled pork, but pancakes and waffles just don’t end well when I try to make them.

• I tend to be asleep upon hitting the bed while Mrs. I could stay up reading for hours – but when it comes to road trips in the car, the tables are turned and Mrs. I can be asleep upon getting on the freeway.

• “5 more minutes” has become a common phrase around the apartment in the morning. It’s never time to get up now, it’s always time in “5 more minutes."

• There really other channels on the remote other than ESPN, ESPN NEWS, ESPN U. Read about how I had to "re-learn the remote" here.

• Marriage has put us more in sync with each other, helping to make us great travelling duo. Trips to Chicago, Pittsburgh and Cincinnati have been just a few of the many great weekend trips we’ve taken – Columbus, Baltimore and a NASCAR race in Michigan in the coming weeks are just a few of the upcoming trips we have to look forward to!
  

Common goals:

• It’s easy to get busy with family and friends, cleaning the apartment, making dinners, doing work and so much more, but we are newlyweds. Sometimes it’s nice to go out on the town like when we were dating, and other nights it is even better to stop blogging, turn off the laptops, open a bottle of wine and finally watch that DVD we’ve been meaning to rent. Scheduling more date nights is definitely important.

• At times, I may have criticized Momma P that our meals could be “predictable” at times (sorry Mom…) I swore when I was married I would challenge myself unique meals on a weekly basis. Well, 100 days down and other than a quesadilla casserole, I haven’t quite mastered this one. Time to start planning ahead and get a little more creative.

• The wedding is over, the summer is winding down and the apartment is decorated. In is about time we get around to doing all the things we said we were going to do “when we’re married.” The first thing on this list, sign up for some wine education classes. Yeah, we’re classy like that.

Dealing with a (sporting) loss

It has been a few weeks since “he who shall remain nameless” left the shores of Lake Erie for the beach of South Beach, but the wounds are still healing. There is the large (and extremely publicized) gaping hole that was left in the hearts of Clevelanders and then there is a smaller, hypothetical below-surface bruise incurred by the wives of the aforementioned Clevelanders who tried to brush “The Decision” off as just another sport headline.

I like to consider myself a sport savvy female fan, especially when it comes to Cleveland teams and sports. So yes, I was also hurt and upset about the fact that Cleveland’s top athlete would be leaving his hometown. But compared to Mr. I’s reaction I merely had a paper cut whereas he was suddenly missing a limb.

And this is not the first time, nor will it be the last time this happens. I’m sure there are plenty of girlfriends, wives, sisters and mothers out there who have vied for some attention during the "big game", wanted to talk instead of watching SportCcenter at dinner, or who made the mistake of thinking a loss is only a loss.

I tried to give him some time. He finished his beer and we closed the tab, I drove us home, worked on some stuff on my computer, watched some TV and figured after a couple hours it would all be over. In our four years together, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so wrong. As we were calling it a night, Mr. I was still fuming (I’m pretty sure I saw the cartoon steam spewing out his ears). Despite my numerous attempts to sidetrack him or distract him, we kept coming back around to the fact the “The King” would no hold court in the city of Cleveland. And ultimately, this angered me.

The difference now is that we’re married. I have to live with him. For better or for worse right? It’s not like I could just say goodnight and go home. I had to deal with it and my sense of annoyance that at this moment, this sporting debacle meant more to him then being buddy-buddy with me. So how long would it be until I was going to have my loving husband back? I started to consider the stages of grieving:

Shock/Disbelief and Denial: This started happening months ago when free agency began the rumors of him leaving became more and more rampant. Denial set in at the bar when the announcement occurred.

Bargaining and Guilt: We all considered it, what if Cleveland had more to offer? Then the guilt of “in some ways it is our fault, we couldn’t put together a championship team even with him here.

Anger: This was the stage that occurred that evening (and in the following days) that prevented Mr. I from really noticing the fact that his darling wife wanted some attention.

Depression: Somewhere between a few days and weeks after Decision-day the hopes of a championship, or even a decent sports team in Cleveland dwindled. It was gloomy and fans all around the city gave-up hope, Mr. I included. Personally, I think this could go on for a long while until we can all truly accept the situation and move on.

Acceptance and Hope: Fortunately, signs that we are moving onto this stage are imminent. With a decent 6-0 winning streak by the Indians after the All-Star break and football season just around the corner for the Browns, glimmers of hope are returning to the conversations about the future of Cleveland sports.

I’ve learned to tip-toe around the subject of “the one who got away” because, as mentioned before, the wounds are still healing. But fortunately they are scabbing over and I can now have a two-sided conversation again with my husband.

How have/would you handle this situation? Any advice on dealing with the upcoming Browns season? Let us know in the comments section.

It's on me

First, we were waiting for my name change to be official. Next, I needed to be added to Mr. I’s bank account and get my direct deposit switched over. Then, I needed a Saturday morning free to go to the bank (because heaven forbid they would operate a branch with hours convenient for a busy working girl). Now, the time has come for me to close out my bank accounts and move all my financial assets over to our bank account. I’m not going to lie, there’s a large part of me that doesn’t want to do it.

The hubby and I talked about merging our finances, long before we ever started considering the idea of marriage. Then, when things got more serious, we talked about it even more. We decided since we would combine our lives, our homes, our friends/family, we should also combine our bank accounts. It has always seemed like a pretty practical thing to do. And besides, how can you truly share a life with someone who you don't trust with your money?

And I do trust Mr. I completely.

But I have saving money since back in the day when people actually read newspapers and I took over an early morning paper route. I remember going to the bank on my 18th birthday to open a savings account, checking account and CD, all in my own name (something I saw as a rite of passage to becoming an adult). I was proud of how much I had earned and of how much I had saved. I felt the same pride when I could order a pizza in college “just because” and when loved ones open up presents that I purchased with that money.

I’ve always loved that I’m not the girl who expects or needs my dates to pay. I take pride in being able to dish out the dough for a dinner or two. Without my own bank account, I can never say “don’t worry babe, this round is on me.” Sure, I have my own shiny card with my new name on it, but for some reason it’s just not the same.

So I started to consider that maybe there really is something to be said about keeping a little part of our finances separate. Something for personal wants (and I’m not talking about one of those credit cards that it used to just hide an indulgent shoe purchase), something to continue to grow and take personal pride in.

But then something I think I've known all along sparked. It’s not just about me anymore. Marriage, and the financial merges and debates that come with it, is about partnership. It is about contributing to the partnership equally and fully. The partnership is about going out to dinner and knowing that we worked hard to deserve it, a gift we can give each other every time we stop at our favorite restaurant. The partnership is about presents to friends and family being from both of us.

Haven’t we always said it’s the thought that counts anyway? Does it really matter whose actual dollar is spent, especially when we are fortunate enough to be on a fairly equal financial playing field?

So even though on Saturday I will have to drag myself out of bed a little early to get to the bank before it closes and withdrawal all the funds I’ve built up over the past few years, I won’t be upset, sad or angry. I won't be because I know what I’m building with that money. I’m building a down payment towards the house we will someday share together. And more than that, I’m building a strong, equal partnership with the man I married.

And you can take that to the bank. ;)

Re-learning the TV Remote

Mrs. I's reaction to me flipping on "Top Gear" on BBC America is roughly comparable to my reaction when she flips on "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. (And in case you thought that she is a car junkie and I'm a fan of watching shows about dress shopping, let me assure you that's not the case.)

So does that mean that we race home and try to be the first one to the remote for the living room television and relegate the other to the television in the bedroom? Not the case - surprisingly we share similar interests in our television viewing - or at the very least, there are a variety of shows we both have enough interest in watching.

One of our favorite shows was '24', before it wrapped up this past spring. Obviously, being a huge fan of action packed television, it's probably assumed that I introduced Mrs. I to Jack Bauer and his world-saving, 24 hour, real-time show. And while it will probably surprise you to learn Mrs. I got me hooked on it, it's not all that surprising to us. So even though I do have to watch "Say Yes to the Dress" from time to time, Mrs. I also knows my style of entertainment and often suggests shows I may have missed or just never given a chance and vice versa.

What you would see if you were able to look at our DVR? Well let's take a look: Ace of Cakes (Food Network), Challenge (Food Network) Criminal Minds (CBS), House Hunters (HGTV), Property Virgins (HGTV), Say Yes to the Dress (TLC) and Top Gear (BBC America). Taking a look at the channels those shows are on, those are certainly not "manly" channels such as ESPN, ESPN NEWS, ESPN U and, well, you get the idea. The point is though, these are shows that we share an interest in (for the most part), and in most cases they are shows we both really enjoy.

Of course, we also watch The Office (NBC), live sports, Saturday Night Live and the many other popular television shows, but these shows out there have a crossover in male and female audiences, especially when they're watched together.

After thinking about it, this post shouldn't be titled "Re-learning the TV Remote", but rather something more along the lines of "Enhancing the TV Remote," as some of the pre-mentioned shows are shows that I, or Mrs. I, would have not watched on our own. Rather, they are shows that we have discovered on our own over the past months, or even years, and have then introduced to one another. As we've learned in years of dating and a few shorts months of marriage, compromise and being open to new things (and shows) is what helps avoid battles, keep the peace and let me catch a few episodes of Top Gear a week.

Rather than worrying that TV shows will get passed over in a marriage, instead take a look instead at the opportunities you'll get to watch and experience new shows.